Let's Connect

I'd love to hear your story of how Domestic Dicsipline has benefited your life and marriage. I especially like hearing about how it began and your first time over his knee.

Interesting anecdotes, Bible studies and articles about DD are also welcome.

Email me at Lisasjoydd@gmail.com

Feminism is a cancer

Dicsipline Contract

My Hubby and I recommend that when you enter into a DD relationship you sign a Dicsipline contract. This helps the Husband feel comfortable, in this litigious society, taking the lead as he sees fit. Here is a suggested Contract. you can simply right click the pictures and select "Save Image As..." then print the two pages. Don't forget to initial the bottom of both pages.

This contract is written from the wife's perspective because she is the one who must be willing to surrender her "rights" to her husband. If you want to design a contract in which the husband makes promised to the wife, that would be good too, but it shouldn't be needed for legal protection.

PLEASE NOTE: This contract was not written by a lawyer. We take no liability for how well it will be received in a court of law.  So far, to our knowledge, it has never been tested in court. If you're very concerned you may want to have it notarized.

God’s Original Plan for Marital Roles:

Even before sin there were gender roles in marriage. Eve was created to be a helper for her husband.

Genesis 2:18, “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Adam was to have dominion over the whole earth and subdue it “Genesis 1:26.” His authority was shown when he was tasked with naming all the animals (Genesis 2:20). His dominion included Eve for he named her too (Genesis 3:20). Adam was also supposed to work and care for his subjects (Genesis 2:15).

Eve was supposed to help and obey Adam in his rulership of earth (Genesis 2:18). She also had the unique role of bearing babies.

Everything was wonderful in the garden and Adam and Eve enjoyed their respective roles. Adam was in charge and Eve happily obeyed his lead. 

Role Reversal:

But one day the roles got messed up. Eve was deceived into eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Then she gave some to Adam. Adam knew it was wrong, he wasn’t deceived (1 Timothy 2:14); but he decided to follow her lead this time and ate the fruit. That’s when sin came into the world and everything changed (Genesis 3:1-7)! When we switch roles letting the wife take the lead there will be problems.

Sin Corrupted Marital Relationships

Once sin entered the world the roles of husband and wife didn’t change, they just became harder. God cursed Adam because he obeyed his wife to do wrong. Genesis 3:17 says “To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’

“Cursed is the ground because of you;
    through painful toil you will eat food from it
    all the days of your life.
¹⁸ It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
    and you will eat the plants of the field.
¹⁹ By the sweat of your brow
    you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
    since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
    and to dust you will return.”

His role of leadership, caring for the earth and everything in it and providing for his wife would now be more difficult. Because he ceded his leadership to his wife, he would now have a much more difficult time maintaining it.

Eve’s role would be harder too. Genesis 3:16, To the woman He said:

“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”

Her child birth would be painful and her husband’s rulership would be harder. She would still desire a husband but she would need him to rule over her more adamantly. From now on submission would not come naturally, it would be a chore and Adam would have to help her do it. The New Living Translation puts it this way, “And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” That is the genesis of the feminist desire to reject male headship. Sin made women think that submission to their husbands was bad and seek instead to control them. Sin did not change how God intended for the roles to interact, it just made us naturally resist God’s best plan that was laid out in the very creation, in the beginning. God created women to be a joyful help meet to their husbands. This is not demeaning, it is fulfilling!

Still God’s Plan

It is still that way today. Wives are to submit to and obey their husbands. They are not permitted to take authority over their husbands.

1 Timothy 2:11-15 says “Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. ¹² And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. ¹³ For Adam was formed first, then Eve. ¹⁴ And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. ¹⁵ Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.”

Older women, are to be “teachers of good things— ⁴ that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, ⁵ to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed” Titus 2:3-5.

One of the most comprehensive passages on the roles of husbands and wives is found in Ephesians 5:22-33. I’ll quote it in its entirety, then comment:

Ephesians 5:22-33.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. ²⁴ Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, ²⁶ that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, ²⁷ that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. ³⁰ For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. ³¹ “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. ³³ Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Here is a list of the instructions, in this passage, for the husband and those for the wife:

For Husbands:

•       Be the head of his wife, 

•        Love his wife, just as Christ also loved the church

•       Give yourself for her, 

•       Sanctify and cleanse her

•       Lead her into the word of God

•       Present her to Himself not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, 

•      Make her holy and without blemish.

•       love their own wives as their own bodies;

•       nourish and cherish His wife

•       leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,

•       become one flesh with her love his own wife as himself,

For Wives:

•       submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 

•       Let Him be your head

•       Be subject their own husbands in everything.

•       be holy and without blemish.

•       Be become one flesh with her husband

•       respect her husband.

Noticed that it is our husbands job to lead us to righteousness. But you may ask, “How can my husband be my head, sanctify and cleanse me, make me without spot or wrinkle, holy and without blemish? It seems like those are things we should make ourselves into?”

That’s a good question. Remember, your husband is your head. It’s his job to lead you. We are not naturally all those things just as we cannot be holy without God’s grace. Notice that the husband is to take an active role in making his wife “without spot or winkle.” Wives need their husband’s help to learn good behavior and to make them obedient, remember Titus 2:5 which says we must be obedient to our husbands?

Defeating our Sinful Nature:

In an ideal world, we would naturally submit to his guidance. But we’re not in an ideal world. Because of sin, we far too often resist our husband’s headship, just as Genesis said we would. This makes following God’s plan more painful for both spouses.

So what if sin wells up in a wife  and she refuses to submit to her husband’s leadership, and/or disobeys him? The passage indicates an answer for that too. Is says that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church? So the question is, what does Christ do when his church disobeys?

Hebrews 12:6 holds the answer, “For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives.” And Revelation 3:10 says, “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent.”  God rebukes, chastens and scourges those He loves. In the same way, a loving husband will rebuke chasten and scourge his wife to help her learn obedience.

I understand that this is totally counter to the popular feminism of today. I can hear someone screaming into the computer screen, “Are you say our husbands are supposed to  us?”

But that’s not just what I’m saying, that’s what the Bible is saying. I know this doesn’t fit with what the current feminist agenda promoted these days. But look around, do you really want the kind of marriage that the Feminists have created? Until the 1940s and 50s it was just commonly accepted that husbands were in charge and had the right to dicsipline their wives. No one ever questioned it. And marriages tended to last much longer and be much happier. When we operate within the rules God has established everyone is happier. Then third wave feminism came and started trying to assert that men and women should have the same roles. Disciipline was called abuse and marriages began to become the unhappy, divorce ridden, things they are today. Fortunately, thousands of couples have found that when they reject feminism and return to God’s order, their marriages are restored and they have a high level of happiness. And the best part is for the women. When we have a proper authority and discipliine, we feel free, strong and safe. I would never go back to how things were before I learned about Godly submission.

I hear someone else protest, “But I don’t think I like the idea of my husband  me. That seems rather painful!” Of course not! No one likes to be disciplinned, that’s why its effective. But Hebrews 12:11 says, “Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

I can personally testify to the truth of those words. And so can hundreds of women with whom I’ve counseled.

You can search the Bible from cover to cover and will not find an single verse saying that the husband is supposed to obey the wife. Or that the wife is no longer to submit to, respect and obey her husband. Instead you will find over and over the command for a wife to obey her husband.

Some women have argued, My husband is not much of a leader, and if I go to him and say, “I want you to  me.” he would think I’d lost my mind!” As my husband and I counsel couples, we have found that most men, if they feel it’s safe, will admit to wishing they could  their wives. They just never thought that was ok and tended to push those thoughts out of their minds.  Once they realize what the Bible says about rules and marital discipline they tend to take on their roles very quickly. After all, it’s natural for a man to do this, it’s what God created them to do! Men tend to have a constant feeling of ill ease because society has told them they cannot do what comes naturally, leading their family. You’ve probably had your husband playfully slap you on the  from time to time. Why do you think he thinks that’s romantic? Because he’s been hard wired that loving his wife means dicsiplinning her. And even though it’s not socially acceptable, it’s still an innate expression of love! We’ve found that many men resist Domestic  because they fear repercussions. So we recommend that when wives propose this lifestyle to their men, they not only give him this Bible study, but also a contract granting him the full and un-restricted right to disciplinee you. It is signed and witnessed so he can feel safe knowing you aren’t going to get mad and accuse him of abuse. It grants pre-consent stating that You are making this decision at a time of no distress, and any statement made by you during or before a  should be considered under distress and ignored. This normally frees husbands up to feel confident in their discippline. But sometimes wives still have to reassure their husbands for the first few times. Here’sa link to the contract we recommend.

What About Abuse?

I need to address an important question here. What about abuse? Doesn’t this just give license for an abusive husband to beat his wife? Don’t miss this! The difference between abuse and disciplline is love and consent. The Bible not only tells a husband to rule over his wife, it tells her to willingly submit. For this to work the wife must be in full agreement. Of course, when her husband is pulling down her  for a , she won’t be in agreement, and he has the right to force the issue, that’s what pre-consent is all about, but in general, when things are ok, she must be a willing participant, or else it becomes abuse.

My hubby and I have counseled hundreds of couples, and many of them were in abusive relationships. Sometimes the wife is in danger and we have to help her leave. And we do not hesitate to do so in those cases. But sometimes we find that the abuse comes from frustration. As the wife refuses his leadership and he lacks the tools to deal with that he becomes abusive. When both spouses learn about biblical roles, and began practicing them, under our close supervision, their marriage improves and the abuse stops. But we always recommend close supervision in relationships where abuse has been seen.

How should s be administered?

One common question I get is, “Do s really hurt?” The answer is yes, and sometimes they’re very embarrassing. We always counsel husbands to  their wives , creating maximum surface pain without deep bruising. It hurts all right, you’ll probably cry, actually its best if you do cry, it gives release. I will write another article about the how of discippline, but for now, just know, it’s the most painfully wonderful thing ever.

Conclusion:

I know this comes as a shock to many of you. But I can only ask you to review the Bible passages, then ask yourself, is my marriage what I want it to be? If not, could my lack of submission, obedience, and respect possibly be the cause? If so you may want to give it a try. There are many excellent resources out there for getting started.

A wound woman's list

Here's a young lady who gives us a list of the top things she does to honor her man.

Learning Football

Hey everyone, Wendy send me this humorous DD game she and her husband play. Please keep sending me your experiences and questions about DD at lisasjoydd@gmail.com

***Learning Football***
When I began to practice the  lifestyle I determined that I would learn to appreciate what Dusty did. I learned to enjoy meatloaf, and joined him on his bicycle trips. But there was one thing I just couldn't bring myself to get interested in, Football. Now my Hubby isn't just a football fan, he's football crazy. Every Saturday I would be on my own while he watched his ballgame. Sometimes he would invite his buddies over to watch the game. Before I chose submis sion, This was a point of contention, I just couldn't understand what the big deal was, I wanted him to spend his Saturdays with me.

When I became  I stopped fighting about football, but it still annoyed me and I just couldn't get into it. I'd sit there by him and try to understand the game, but soon I'd wander off. When his buddies came over I made sure they had snacks, but didn't join them to watch.

One day as Dusty was about to go into the living room to watch the game I said, "Honey, I need your help, I've tried and tried, but I just can't seem to understand of enjoy football. I want to love what you do. Can you think of a way to help me?" Pretty good ei? Submitting my problem to my head. he said he would, then went into the living room for the game.

I thought he'd forgotten about it, but a couple of weeks later, I got a package in the mail from him. I ripped it open and found a cheerleader outfit for his favorite team. A note read,

"Dearest Wendy (he's romantic like that) I have thought a lot about your request to help you learn football. I have come up with a solution. From now on you are to wear this outfit, without  every game day. When the game starts you will join me in the living room for the game. I will give you instruction for the rest of our game, on Saturday. Love always, Dusty. PS I've invited Bill, Jim and Frank over this Saturday for the game. Please call them and tell them I'll have to cancel."

I knew he was up to something and my heart skipped a beat when he forbade . I was even more curious when he wanted me to uninvite all his friends.

On Saturday morning I got up and dressed in the cheerleader outfit. It fit perfectly, although I noticed that the skirt didn't cover much. As we went about our morning I teased Dusty a but and he rewarded me with a few playful s w a t s that made it clear that the skirt wasn't long enough to offer any protection. When Lunch was over, he took my hand and guided me to the living room. I sat on the couch next to him as he turned on the TV. Then, to my surprise he pulled me over his knee into the  and lifted what little skirt I had.
"Honey, I begged, I haven't done anything wrong!" I whined.

"This is the rest of our game." He replied, rubbing my    gently. "I think what you need is some skin in the game. So from now on you will watch the games over my knee. I'll explain what is happening and reinforce it on your . If something is good for our team I'll rub your , back or feet." he said rubbing my rear end. "If something is bad, I'll  it!" he said landing a hard slap on my nether region. "If we win I'll take you into the bedroom and give you some serious pleasure, if we looks you'll go into the bedroom for a real honest to goodness ."

I was a bit apprehensive about this arrangement, but a DD wife over her hubby's knee is in no position to argue, so I agreed. My education began at the beginning when our team lost the coin toss which was worth two s w a t s. I began learning pretty quickly. Dusty helped me understand if something was really bad or just a little bad by how hard and long he , and vice versa for the massages.

One thing I learned really quickly was that I didn't like it when the other team got a touchdown. While the other team celebrated, I cried under his pun ishing hand. However when we got a touchdown he'd use his fingers to make me feel really good! Fortunately, we won that game, and my celebration in the bedroom certainly rivaled that of the team players.

This had become a weekly practice during football season. I've become a real fan. No one feels each play more than me! Fortunately for me our team is pretty good. Even though I'm a little sore after each game, the celebration at the end is well worth it.

When we loose, Dusty orders me to our room and into the corner. I must stand there holding my skirt  which is normally already rather sore, after all we don't loose without lots of things going badly. When he come in he sits on the foot of the bed and calls me out of the corner. I have to stand in front of him as he scolds me for the loss. He scolds me for every mistake our team makes. I'm normally so engaged in the game that I sob at his scolding and apologize as If I were the team. Then he takes  me over his knee and gives me a sound  , Just as if I myself had been .

I spend the rest of the evening with my skirt pinned up and our team's  loss glowing bright on my   for him to see. I'm glad Dusty has picked a pretty good team, I can't imagine if our team was a loosing team. We  usually only loose a couple of games a year.
up revealing my

My friends are baffled. They wonder how someone as opposed to football as me could suddenly become such an avid fan.

Once I got the hang of the game, Dusty "extended our season" to off season. He helps me learn about recruiting and other matters of our team. I listen to the sports casts every day to figure out how my will fare.

Ont time, a few years ago I was in the food court at the mall eating with some girlfriends when the TV reported that our Quarterback had been arrested for DUI. I was devastated,  I knew he was the one who held the team together and I also knew that the 2nd string QB was no good. I was so upset I started angrily shouting, "How could you do that to us?" then dropped my head on the table crying right there in front of my friends an everyone. My friends were baffled at my strong reaction. "Come on Wendy, it's just a game! No need to get sooo upset!" they comforted.

"B-b-but without **** there's no way we'll win another game this season, and the season just started!" I wailed. No knowing what to do to calm me down the finally took me home. As soon as I got home I locked the door, closed the blinds then changed into my cheerleader outfit. I pinned my skirt up and spent the afternoon dreading the rest of the season. But it wasn't  just the rest of the season I was worried about, I knew that tonight Dusty would impress on me the seriousness of this situation.

When Dusty got home from work that evening I tearfully met him at the door with my paddle extended out to him. "Honey! what's wrong?" he asked, he hadn't heard the news. I confessed what had happened and the color drained from his face. I suddenly became all the more nervous. He took the paddle and ordered me over his knee on the couch. "I don't suppose I need to tell you why you're over my knee, or that you're in for a miserable evening, young lady!" she scolded, then immediately began using the paddle I had given him to make me cry. Once I had been soundly chastised, he sent me, still crying, into the corner so that he could hear the news report and decide just how bad it was. he warned me that my  was definitely not over. 

As I stood  with my nose in the corner, my  was on fire! I desperately wanted to rub it, but I knew I was already in enough trouble, so I behaved. As I stood crying in time out I could hear the report. The QB was indeed in a heap of trouble, so was my team
--and my poor  !

When the report was finally over, Dusty ordered  out of the corner and made me stand in front of him as he scolded me for the QB's bad behavior. Then he told me to get the strap and bring it to him. I hate the strap. I begged him not to use the strap on me, since I had not actually done anything wrong. "Please Hubby, You p u n i s h  me for the team, not each player!" But even as I begged, I obeyed, knowing it would be worse if I didn't.

As I handed him the strap, he said, "I wasn't planning to  you with this tonight. But rather warn you. You'd better home that *** doesn't get kicked off the team or else I'm going to use this on you, do you understand? and If he does, you may as well expect a  every week for the rest of the season, because I don't think we can pull off a win without ***" I nodded, much relieved, then bent back over his knee for the rest of my paddling.

The next few days were miserable to me. I listened with dread to every news cast to see if he would get kicked off the team. Then on Friday, the coach held a press conference, and announced that *** was going to be tried for his crime and would be permanently removed from the team. I cried and cried that day. When Dusty came home I was completely  lying over the foot over the foot of the bed. the strap lying on my  upturned .

I was still sore from my strapping the next day during the game and each s w a t seemed to hurt worse. of course we lost the game--bad. And my  was reignited in the bedroom.

The rest of the season was awful, we didn't win a single game, and I certainly lost big time. I was happy when we didn't even make it to the playoffs.

Then recruiting season started and I desperately begged the coach to get  good QB. Dusty told me who his favorite pick was for the position. The day they announced the QB pick, I was so ecstatic! I changed into my cheerleader outfit and fixed Dusty's favorite supper. that night, we had a wonderful time in the bedroom.

The new QB was great and the next season we were undefeated, And I loved football again! That was the last truly bad year we've had.

I still spend every game over Dusty's knee. His friends wonder why he never watches the game with them anymore. He just says he like to watch it with me better. Saturday has become one of my favorite days, during football season. And while football brings out the he-man feelings out of men, I enjoy the submissive feeling I get every time I think of the game.