Homemaker's Creed

She found it in the Bible--Another testimony of the introduction of DD

Here's another testimony that a reader send in. Please keep them coming! my email address is lisasjoydd@gmail.com. As usual, I have changed the names and updated key words. 

_____________________Led to DD by God's Word_________________________

One day I was studying my Bible for my regular daily devotions and I came to Ephesians 5, the last part. I struggled to understand how the marital roles work, since these verses seemed so counter to the cultural understanding I had been raised with. I had been noticing a lot of passages in the recent past about submission and each time they would make my head spin and put me in a fighting mood. I had a reasonably good marriage, as modern, unsubmissive marriages go. We generally got along, and, although the spice had left the relationship we were both in it for the long hall, we made things work, even when it meant tension. But I was NOT interested is letting my husband take the lead. In fact, truth be told, I was the one who wore the pants most of the time, Jeff was a passive presence. But that day as I read, and tried desperately to reason my way out of being . But again, I sensed God gently saying, "How long are you going to resist? Just surrender to my will and you will find peace." I argued a bit more with the passage, but he said, "Don't you trust me?" Finally I got on my knees, and said, "Lord I surrender to You, if that means submitting to Jeff, then so be it. Please show me how to do your will."

As I got off my knees a peace flooded me, like a weight was lifted. I hadn't realized how much resisting God's promptings to submit to my husband had been weighing me down.

When I returned to the passage, after surrendering to it, it seemed to come alive! I saw sub-mission as a beautiful act of worship to God. I had never thought it demeaning to submit to God, Instead it was freeing, because I could rest in God's care and plan.  Now I understood that submitting to my husband was intended to remove the same burdens in an earthly sense. If I wasn't calling the shots all the time, and trying to control everything, I would be free to just be me--the best me possible. I started to get excited about submission.

Still, I wondered if I would be able to change that much.  But as I read verses 26 and 27, I saw that the husband has an active role in my needed transformation.

All day long I thought about this. I was anxious to give it a whirl but concerned about my ability to submit. I couldn't figure out how Jeff was supposed to take an active role in making me the person God wanted me to be. If I didn't submit, what could he do about it, yet it seemed that the onus was just as much on him as me.

Before Jeff got home that evening I got on my knees and prayed that God would show me how to be .

That evening I talked to Jeff about my discovery, asked him to be my head and promised to submit to him, respect him and obey him. He was happy to hear this but seemed a bit skeptical.

Over the next few weeks I tried my best to be a "good  wife." But I kept finding myself reverting into old habits. Things were a little bit better, but there was a tension between how I wanted to be and how I was. I talked to Jeff about this and pointed out that he had an active role "sanctifying me and cleansing me with the washing of water by the word." He said he didn't know what to do. He could set rules and expectations, but if I didn't follow them...

He decided that we would spend time reading the Bible each morning before he went to work. This was something I easily sub mitted to. He had already been reading in Hebrews so that's where we picked up. A couple of days later, we  had a very difficult evening and, honestly we were a bit miffed with each other. I had yelled and threw a general tantrum, Jeff had tried to stand up to me and be the man, but I wasn't having it, so he just reverted to his passive self, letting me steam-roll over him. We went to bed in cold silence. He was upset because I was so bossy and rude. Even after I had asked him to take charge, I wouldn't let him. I was upset because I had failed yet again, and I felt disappointed that Jeff had let me get by with it.

The next morning we read Hebrews 12. When we got to verses 5-11, they seemed to stick in my mind. Jeff read them more slowly too as if he were contemplating them too. Neither of us said anything as he left for work but both of us had the words, "For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives." ringing in our heads.

I got out my Bible and reread the verse, then I read Ephesians 5. Then a new battle began in my heart. I saw that Jeff was to love me "As Christ loves the church" and the verse that kept ringing in my ear said that part of Christ loving the church was disciplinning and scourging her. I looked up the word, "Scourge" hoping to find a definition other than what I thought it would be. But indeed scourge meant just what I had feared, "To whip (someone) as a , to "

"No God!" I shouted, "I will not let Jeff   and  me! I'm a grown women, that's for little kids."

But God just gently said "How long are you going to resist? Just surrender to my will and you will find peace." I kept resisting, "but it will hurt, it'll be embarrassing!" Then God reminded me of Hebrews 12:11, "No  seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." I kept arguing an God kept saying, "Don't you trust me?"

It was a long day of struggle with God. I really didn't like this idea, and couldn't see how it could be for my best good to let Jeff hurt me. That evening as I went to prepare supper, I finally broke. I fell to my knees and cried, "Ok God, I trust you, even though I'm afraid, I'll show these verses to Jeff and offer to let him  me." I cried buckets of tears--tears of relief. Again a heavy burden lifted. Fighting with God is no fun.

Meanwhile, at work, Jeff couldn't get his mind off the passage. God also led him to the exact same conclusion. The idea made sense to him. If I he was supposed to help me submit, then when I refused,he needed some way to cut off my willfulness. "But," he reasoned, "Kelly, will never let me  her. The moment I do, she'll divorce me, and ruin my reputation." He battled all day with God, about this; fearing the repercussions of following through with God's plan. But God kept telling him, "Stand up and be the man, I'll take care of Kelly, Trust me." Jeff came home knowing that he needed to talk to me about what he had found in this verse but scared to death to do it.

We had a quiet supper that night, each of us avoiding eye contact as we struggled to raise the courage to tell the other about what we had discovered.  

Finally, after supper, as we awkwardly sat in the living room. Jeff got his nerve first he timidly began, "Kelly, I have something to talk to you about. I'm afraid you'll think I'm crazy but please just hear me out before making a judgement. I've been thinking a lot about the verse we read this morning, I seems like God won't let it escape from my mind."
"Me too!" I interrupted, surprised at his comment.
Jeff continued, "I'm just not sure how to tell you this, I mean God showed me something today and-and, you're going to think I'm crazy..." his voice trailed off. He was obviously worried about how to say what God had shown him. But I was excited. This was clearly confirmation of what God had told me that day.

I decided to help him out a little."Let me guess, God told you that part of loving me like Christ loves the church is rebuking me and  me when I get out of line."

Jeff's mouth dropped opened, "H-how did you know?" he stammered.

"Because God showed me the same thing today. I fought it all day today but just before you came home I finally surrendered to God's will. It's OK Jeff. You have my permission to  me. I need your help submitting, I cannot do it on my own. You can  me whenever you think I need it."

Jeff sat there stunned. He  later confided that at that moment he remembered God telling him, "Stand up and be the man, I'll take care of Kelly, Trust me." "Wow," he prayed silently, "You really did take care of Kelly. Why did I doubt you?"

We had a long discussion about marital roles and . We discovered that were were on the exact same page. God had been speaking to both of us. He was surprised that I had been so disheartened when he let me steamroll him the past evening. I told him that I needed him to be strong and not let me get by with harmful behavior.  Finally, a bit nervous, I ventured, "Jeff, since God revealed this to us right after I was so rude and unsubmisive last night, do you think that He wants us to start tonight? I mean, I was totally out of line."

"Yes, honey, I think so" he said, gently pulling me over his lap with my  up in the air. He timidly began slapping the back side of my jeans, obviously afraid of hurting me. It was awkward and I was getting frustrated at his weakness again.

"Jeff, stop," I said, he stopped (something he would never do anymore) "This just isn't right. You're too afraid of hurting me. But the Bible says "No  seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." It's supposed to hurt, I'm not supposed to like it. If it's not painful it won't do any good. Please, I need you to take charge, be the man, pull my pants and  down and  me like you really mean it. Don't be afraid, go for it."

As I stood in front of him, I saw his expression steel. He undid, by pants and pulled them and my  down. Then in a voice of authority he said, "Kelly, you've been a very  wife. Lay over my lap, I'm going to  you soundly for your own good." He pulled me over, positioned me then began  my   with a will. It hurt like the dickens. I  begged and plead and demanded but he just held me down and kept . Finally I gave in and began to cry. I stopped fighting and let him finish my first , crying tears of sub mission. Afterward he comforted me and I thanked him. I was surprised to once again feel a weight lift off of me. I had finally done it, I had surrendered.

Many years have passed since that day. My husband has become quite the  and I love it! Our lives and marriage have been so transformed it's impossible to describe it. I am SOO in love with Jeff and so happy, free and fulfilled submitting to him. 

For years Jeff and I thought we were the only ones in the world who practiced Biblical male leadership and wife . We knew that many Christians believe in the man being the head of the household but he had no idea that many believe that wives should be ed. Many people would ask me for advice on their marriages. I would tell them about submitting, but I was always too afraid to being up .

Then a few weeks ago I happened to stumble on your site, while looking for Bible studies on marital roles. I was amazed to find that someone else believed and practiced what I do. As was absolutely surprised about the study showing how common  is in relationships.  I did some of the searches you recommended. What a joy to find that so many couples have found what we have found!

I know my testimony is rather long, But this is the first time I've shared anything about it. It's nice to get it off my chest.  Maybe my story will help others find deep fulfillment in their femininity and their marriage.

--Kelly